My father is in town which means that all works are suspended until further notice.
It also means that I will eat everything to my heart’s guilt and desire, because my father is a happy man who believes not in depriving the self of sugar and carb and starch and calories to be happier in the future. Now, he says, is as good a time to be merry as it is tomorrow. So, imagine: there are leftovers for breakfast, buffets for lunch, junk foods for dinner, and if I am luckier, desserts for midnight meal.
He was not always like this. He used to make mental notes of the food that I cannot be fed, duly approved by my mother: candies, gums, street/processed foods, and more. But when I started becoming more like them in terms of maintaining my diet, I noticed a shift in their attitude. Pizza and pasta became staple food groups, too.
There will also be discussions, lots and lots of them, about school, gym, personal hygiene, my hair and the new house (almost) by the sea. Similarly, love is a recurring topic—to me it means all the summer fruits served cold and fresh at home, to my father it means mama and me. We talk about these things the way old people do—honest, rational and sometimes, argumentative.
I was not always like this. I was more of a diligent student and an unwilling daughter. My fear of failing school has made me a woman selfish of time, strict with schedule. Either wholly or partly, I know I am still that woman. But there are exemptions to these rules. For example: that my father is in town.
Hence, all works are suspended until further notice.
1. We were on the road for days and no one complained about it, except for those moments when Raymart deliberately/accidentally accelerates up to 80/kph. This is why I stopped driving and asking my father to “please, please lend me the car,” all at once. The road, as I have come to understand it, is not a place for imposing. To control is to be controlled.
2. There was a song that we kept on repeating. Just this one song that had us singing on top of our lungs. We were moved and we were moving. Thank you Up Dharma Down for telling the truth for us.
3. This is how these photos emerged: someone came with the idea of chasing the sunset for the last time. To witness the golden goodbye of the sun and welcome temporary darkness before we resume our fast-paced lives in the metro. In the midst of our silence, something rippled through my thoughts. This is less frightening than running after love.
4. This is an attempt to end this series. A failure, an inadequacy so far but which I cannot postpone any longer. The rarer the endings, the lesser the number of goodbyes now than there were in the past, the harder for me to knot my thoughts close with words.